It's 4 something in the morning, and I still couldn't sleep, since 2 something.
My brains are disturbed, again.
Still, at least I could have a brief me-time will the kids are asleep.
No, no. Not having any problems with my darling wife. She's an angel. But I decided not to disturb her slumber. Kesian dia. Penat melayan kerenah anak2. Yes, I do help (obviously! kerja hakiki seorang suami tu! ^_^) But since my darling wife had caesarean operation twice, her energy is not as same as she was before pregnant. Even though 4 years has passed since Idrizz, still, the pain is still there.
She's a hero. A survivor.
Anyway,
Lots of things happened recently. Unexpected to be exact. Couldn't say the incidents specifically, but let me describe in words:
Betrayal
Dishonesty
Stubbornness
Neglected
Unfocused
Rudeness
Chaos
Lies
Gila Kuasa (Ini in BM. heh.)
I'm just tired. Too tired of all this nonsense. My brain is making lots of noises lately, telling me that I'm worthless, weak etc. Also filled with bleak past experiences. I sometimes couldn't even breath. I lost focus. Heart beats fast sometimes. I drop things unintentionally and suddenly.
How I wish I could express my anger, my disappointment on the spot, directly. But it's not worth the time, the energy, and the emotion. Yet, it's killing me inside. Severely.
How I wish I'm not in this situation. But Allah has put me in. Still, I believe that there is something that HE wants to show me. Takpelah. Husnuzon, eventhough it hurts.
Let's just pray that I am stable soon. Still in this tiring healing process.
Assalamu'alaikum w.b.t and a very,very good day to all readers.
First of all, I hate to say this, but obviously, It has been awhile since I have posted my previous post (cliche sangat ayat. Heh. Tak bleh pakai. Kuikuikui~). Sorry banyak2. Dah nak dekat Raya Haji ni, so, mintak ampun mintak maaf in advance la ye, even though actually anytime je kita boleh mintak ampun kan. Hewhewhew,
Anyway,
kembali kepada topik kali ini, "DIA PUNCA AKU TERJATUH!". Jatuh gedebuk, tersembam ke tanah etc2. Korang dah tengok gambar kat atas tu kan? Yes. Kali ni beta nak cerita sikit apa yang berlaku kat dalam gambar tu. Heh.
Now, here's the story:
Pada zaman dahulu (sekitar akhir tahun 2015), ada seorang putera kacak (matilanak! muahahaha~~) baru je lepas breakdown a.k.a putus cinta setelah hampir 6 tahun in relationship lamanya. Masa itu, putera kacak tau dalam keadaan trauma, dah tak tau cinta tu apa dan kononnya dah xnak amik tau pasal cinta. Blah la lu cinta! Puihhh!
Lepas tu kan, pada suatu hari, dalam ofis (masa putera kacak tu mengajar kat satu sekolah agama swasta kat Sepang. aku malas nak sebut nama sekolah tu. Puihh!), tetiba putera kacak tu ternampak la satu makhluk ni. Time tu putera kacak tu terpikir, "Siapa minah tu? Tak pernah nampak pun? Konco-konco management ke? Ahhh lantak lah, bukan masalah aku." Tapi kan, ada satu kali putera kacak tu nampak minah tu rapat2 dengan kawan putera kacak tu. Putera kacak tu pun pelik, apahal dia rapat2 dengan Kina, Sarah, A'isyah, Lina? Pelik, pelik. Lagi bertambah kusut kepala si putera kacak tu, tiba-tiba minah tu drive van MANUAL Sarah. Ah sudah, kau ni siapa sebenarnya, bentak hati putera kacak. Siapa la chubby communist ni?
Nak dipendekkan cerita, satu hari tu Sarah ajak Putera Kacak (sekali lagi, matilanak. heh.) tu pergi dinner kat Seoul Garden, IOI Mall Putrajaya. Sarah cakap lebih kurang macam ni, "Ziq, jom gi makan kat Seoul Garden. Gi ajak adik aku skali." "Adik kau? Yang mana satu ni kak?" si putera kacak tu tanya. "Tu Mariam tu, yang admin praktikum tu, yang drive van aku hari tu. Tu adik aku la tu." Tergamam putera kacak tu. Baru lah dia sedar, rupa2nya minah chubby communist yang bernama Mariam tu ialah adik Kak Sarah.
So since then, putera kacak tu mula berkawan dengan Mariam tu. Maklum la, dia suka dok sorang2, dan putera kacak ni pulak jenis peramah nak mampus, so, macam2 la putera kacak tu ajak buat macam2 onar dalam sekolah tu. Contohnya, gi lunch sama2, gi keluar jalan2 sama2, share cerita sama2. Tapi time tu kan, putera kacak tu dapat rasa sesuatu, cuma dia tak pasti.
Sebab, kan dia dah tak percaya pada cinta. Sebab putera kacak tu dah trauma kan. However, dia cuma letak segala perasaan dia pada Yang Maha Esa saja.
Pendekkan lagi cerita, berberapa purnama kemudian (gittew~ heh.), Putera Kacak tu ajak la Mariam tu pegi lunch kat dewan makan. Kerana nak kepastian tentang apa yang Putera Kacak tu rasa, dia cerita segala kisah2 sisi gelap dia yang dimana kalau orang tahu siapa sebenarnya diri Putera Kacak, nescaya orang akan lari darinya.
Selepas Putera Kacak itu ceritakan segala tentang kisah lampau diri dia, dia mengeluarkan satu soalan trigger buat sang Mariam:
"So, Mariam dah tahu siapa Haziq, segala kisah lampau gelap aziq, etc2. So, agak2 la mariam, ada tak orang yang nak kat orang macam Haziq ni?
Jawapan sang Mariam menyebabkan hati Putera Kacak itu jatuh. Tau tak apa yang dia cakap? Mesti la korang tak tau kan? Dia cakap ini:
"Haziq, kita sayang orang bukan kerana kisah silam dia tapi kita sayang orang kerana kita nak hidup dengan masa hadapan dia. InshaAllah, mesti ada orang yang boleh terima Haziq seadanya."
Jawapan itulah yang mendetikkan hati si Putera Kacak itu untuk berkata dalam hati, "Inilah orangnya. Ya Allah, inilah orangnya. Tapi, dia nak ke terima aku?" Sang Mariam ada jugak tanya si Putera Kacak tu sama ada dia ada suka somebody dalam sekolah tu. Tapi, Si Putera Kacak itu bagitau kat sang Mariam supaya dia tunggu hujung bulan Februari untuk ketahui siapa orangnya.
YA. SEKALI LAGI PUTERA KACAK TERJATUH. JATUH CINTA.
26 Februari dah pun menjelang. Hari terakhir Sang Mariam bertugas sebagai Intern kat sekolah tu. Hari tu jugak dia remind si Putera Kacak untuk bagitau siapakah gerangan orang yang disukainya. Si Putera Kacak berasa sangat gementar. Tapi, dia letakkan segala harapan pada Allah. Ada rezeki, adalah jodoh. Tak ada, kawan pun jadi. Takde lah lah.
SO, Sang Mariam punya lah tak penyabar, masa tu si Putera Kacak dalam kelah, tengah nak habiskan pengajaran, time tu jugak dia sibuk telipon. Time tu dah nak habis period dah. Habis je waktu sekolah, Sang Mariam dan Putera Kacak terus rendevous kat depan bilik rawatan. Hati dah kencang habis dah ni. Rasa macam nak pitam je Putera Kacak time tu.
Pendek kan cerita lagi, Sang Mariam terus tanya, "Ha... so, dah janji kan? Bagilah tahu, siapa orang yang Haziq suka tu?" "Perlu ke Haziq nak bagi tau?" soal si Putera Kacak. "Mesti lah bagitahu. Hari tu kan dah janji dengan Mariam?"
Dari muka yang senyum2 kerang busuk, terus muka si Putera Kacak bertukar serius.
"SEBENARNYA, SAYA SUKA AWAK."
Sang Mariam tergamam. Terkejut. Lepas tu, Sang Mariam bertanya, "Haziq, ingat tak masa kita lunch kat dewan makan hari tu, Mariam ada cakap yang akan ada orang boleh terima Haziq seadanya?"
...and the rest is history. Hehe. Tak lama berberapa bulan lepas tu, Sang Mariam dan Putera Kacak terus bertunang seperti dalam gambar diatas (gambar yang Sang Mariam tutup muka dengan bunga jambak tu. Acah2 malu lettew. hewhewhew~~~ X3)
Then, tak sampai setahun kemudian,
Ya. Akhirnya mereka dah pun BERNIKAH pada tarikh 15 Julai 2017 dengan sekali lafaz,
"Aku terima nikah Mariam Zahidah Binti Mohamad dengan mas kahwin seutas rantai emas."
Dengan itu, maka, berakhirlah kisah awal bibit2 cinta si Putera Kacak dan Sang Mariam. Mereka tak pernah "bercouple", tak pernah bersentuhan sebelum bernikah. Hanya do'a dan harapan sahaja yang dipanjatkan kepada Allah, dengan lafaz nikah sahaja yang menghalalkan perhubungan mereka. Begitu cantik peraturan Allah. Allah bantu mereka menjaga batas pergaulan mereka sehinggalah sampai saat pernikahan. Ini FAKTA kisah Si Putera Kacak dan Sang Mariam. Tak nak percaya, sudah. Boleh blah. Gi main jejauh. Heh.
Akhir kata:
YA. KAU MEMANG DAH BUAT AKU TERJATUH.
JATUH CINTA. LAGI. <3 p="">
P/s: Bercinta selepas nikah itu sememangnya lebih indah. The End.
Okay guys, hari ni saya nak cerita sikit tentang muzik.
Music is one of many talents in the world.
Well, ramai yang nak jadi pemuzik, mainly nak jadi penyanyi.
"I always wanted to be a singer because singing is what I always do blablabla~"
"I have what it takes to be a singer blablabla~~"
Bagus la kalau berfikiran positif macam tu.
Tapi masalahnya, adakah nyanyi itu hanya sekadar nyanyi, and nothing else matters?
Is having a good vocal is all what it takes to be a singer?
How far is your certainty?
Itu yang having good vocals. How about the not-so-good ones? Yet they claimed that they are good, but the reality is that their vocals are far worse than screaming cat at the back alley.
Okay, macam ni la, let me clear you about this:
Singing is not only about talent. It's not only about music and vocals.
It is more than that actually.
MusicPro Academy Annual Recital 2014.
Ketulusan Hati
1. Singing/Music is about delivering messages.
Music should inspire people, telling stories with emotions, making people understand our messages and ideas, to motivate people. "Love to sing" does not going to bring us anywhere. Most people have this kind of miss-concept whereby they only sing because they love to sing. No. It is more to that.
2. Vocals is about the right technique.
This is what happened when they only sing without knowing the right technique: They scream their lungs out just to reach the high pitches, false breathing technique, out of pitch, uncontrollable vibratos, etc. You can't just sing like that. We need to know the right way to play with our vocals. We will definitely damage our vocal cords if we didn't use the right technique.
3. ATTITUDE!
Another thing. Some people think that having great vocals is everything. But dig this: even though you have the best vocal in the world, but if your attitude is really bad, you will definitely not going anywhere. Trust me. Over-confident, being stuck-up, couldn't accept critiques and being self-centered, tantrums, being rude and such. A BIG NO! A big DISRESPECT to those who have this totally hideous attitude. If I am an audition judge, I will definitely say NO.
4. Identity.
Being a singer/musician, you have to develop your own IDENTITY. You can't just simply copy other people's identity; having the same vocal and singing style, same personality, same appearence etc. Kita kalau boleh, bila orang dengar kita nyanyi, kita nak orang punya first impression cakap" Wow, siapa ni? Owh dia ni sekian2 kan?" dan bukannya bila orang dengar, then diorang cakap, "Eh, suara macam awie la. Awie buat recording baru ke? Laaa ingatkan awie, rupanya orang lain."
See? Tapi bukan senang tau nak cari Identiti sendiri. Tapi kena usaha lebih sikit lah. ^_^
I'm not a good singer myself. Saya pun still mencari identiti sendiri. Banyak lagi yang saya perlu belajar. Tapi, kita kena tahu dan kita kena sentiasa belajar. Tak boleh sombong, tak boleh stuck-up.
That's why I am sharing this; because it is not easy to become an entertainer, mainly on vocals.
Tough. Kalau senang, dah lama saya jadi artis. Ahahahaha~ :D
Smule Cover.
Muara Hati with Malaysian artist, Siti Nordiana.
Ingat, DO NOT MAKE A FOOL OUT OF YOURSELVES. Kalau dah tahu tak pandai nyanyi or nyanyi sumbang, kalau betul2 nak nyanyi, masuklah kelas vokal. BELAJAR. Jangan sombong dan over-confident. Some people memang tak boleh nyanyi pun sebab suara memang takde. Tak apa lah kalau macam tu. Cari bakat lain yang terpendam. Bakat bukan cuma nyanyi je. Banyak lagi bakat lain. Sukan ke apa ke yang bersesuaian dengan diri kita. JANGAN OVER-CONFIDENT SANGAT.
Oh ya, dan tolong faham maksud DELUSIONAL.
Don't be one.
Nak tau macam mana DELUSIONAL? Check out this video:
Some people memang born-talented singer. Tak dinafikan. TAPI, kalau bad attitude pun tadak guna jugak. So... Think about it.
To summarize, it is important to know and learn what is actually music about, learn the correct vocal technique, mind your attitude, and make sure that you are being yourself, including your vocal and styles. Belajar banyak2.
GOOD LUCK.
p/s:
ABBA – Thank You For The Music
I'm nothing special, in fact I'm a bit of a bore
If I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before
But I have a talent, a wonderful thing
Cause everyone listens when I start to sing
I'm so grateful and proud
All I want is to sing it out loud
So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me
Mother says I was a dancer before I could walk
She says I began to sing long before I could talk
But I've often wondered, how did it all start?
Who found out that nothing can capture a heart
Like a melody can?
Well, whoever it was, I'm a fan
So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me
I've been so lucky, I am the girl with golden hair
I wanna sing it out to everybody
What a joy, what a life, what a chance!
So I say
Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me
Songwriters: ANDERSSON, BENNY GORAN BROR / ULVAEUS; BJOERN K.
When you love someone so deeply They become your life It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside Blindly I imaged I could Keep you under glass Now I understand to hold you I must open my hands And watch you rise
[Chorus:] Spread your wings and prepare to fly For you have become a butterfly Fly abandonedly into the sun If you should return to me We truly were meant to be So spread your wings and fly Butterfly
I have learned that beauty Has to flourish in the light Wild horses run unbridled Or their spirit dies You have given me the courage To be all that I can And truly feel your heart will Lead you back to me when you're Ready to land
[Chorus]
I can't pretend these tears Aren't overflowing steadily I can't prevent this hurt from Almost overtaking me But I will stand and say goodbye For you'll never be mine Until you know the way it feels to fly
[Chorus]
So flutter through the sky Butterfly Spread your wings and fly Butterfly
So, oleh kerana sekian lama beta tak menaip dalam blog ini, maka kali ni beta nak ceghabih pasal #THROWBACK.
As we all know, semua orang punya memori. Kisah silam. Kenangan manis dan pahit. Kenangan manis kau dan aku takkan terkubur... eh silap! Tu lagu Jamal Abdillah. Heh.
Bila cerita pasal memori ni, aku jadi emotional sikit. Why? Sebab setiap hari, kita semua makin dewasa. Dan dalam pada kita semakin dewasa tu, kita akan mengalami pelbagai cabaran dan perubahan, tak kisah lah perubahan pada diri atau keadaan sekeliling. Dan sama ada perubahan tu semakin baik atau semakin kurang baik.
To talk about myself,
sometimes, aku tak tahu sama ada aku ini okay atau tidak mengalami semua benda ni. For instance, yelah, selalunya kita tengok kawan2 kita, dulu single sekarang dah kahwin. Yang dah kahwin pulak dah ada anak dua tiga. Tak lama lagi turn aku pulak. eh? ahahaha~~
< --- "Ye, saya dah ENGAGED dah. Sekian."
Talk about getting married, kadang2 betul ayah aku cakap. Quote dia lebih kurang macam ni la, "Bercinta dengan orang lain, Bertunang dengan orang lain, Kahwin dengan orang lain."
Yeah. Memang betul2 berlaku pada diri aku. Choyyy!!!
Tapi tu lah kan. Satu pengalaman dan pengajaran buat aku. Anak-anak, please, kalau bab2 kahwin, bab2 bercinta ni, dengar lah cakap mak bapak. Diorang lebih banyak makan garam dari korang. Kalau diorang say "NO" or tak berapa nak berkenan dari awal tu, tandanya ada la masalah yang kita bakal hadapi jika kita degil.
Ye betul kita cuba buktikan yang kita ni betul. No problem. Ada jodoh, ada lah kan. Tapi, bila something wrong happened, jangan salahkan parents tau. Ayat "I told you so" bakal menyusul selepas itu. Seriously. Aku dah terkono.
Moral of the story: Next time, jangan membelakangkan mak bapak.
"Hey? Who is dis? Motiifff???" ---- >
(habislah... kejap lagi kena baling seterika kat kepala, Baik gua blah dulu. heh.)
Oh ya, InshaAllah nanti dah sampai time aku announce ye siapa "BAKAL ZAUJAH" teww... hehe. p/s: yang terasa tu, jangan kembang2 hidung. Payah saya nak kempiskan. Kang dah jadi serombong kapal, payah nak cari kayu api arang ape sume. Heh.
That's one thing.
Another part of being an adult;
Semakin hari, aku semakin rindu. Kadang2 tu, duduk bersebelahan dengan orang yang kita sayang pun still kita rasa rindu. Setiap hari, setiap masa. Rasa macam segala2nya akan berubah tak lama lagi. Contohnya, kalau dulu kita dok manja2 dengan mak, ibu, abah, ayah chik, ayah,
lepastu dulu kita selalu manja2 gaduh2 lepak2 dengan sahabat sejati BFFFF~ (mohon jangan kembang. aku sepak jap lagi. heh.),
"Mak dan ibu saya."-- >
nanti lepas dah kahwin, mungkin semua itu akan berubah. Sebab lepas kahwin, life kita mostly dengan Zaujah kita kan.
*okay, ada orang potong bawang. sh*t.
I know... things are going to change somehow. And I have to go through all these things in the future. I know. It will be different. I will be in another phase of life.
I said so because they are my love. Kekasih2 hatiku. Allah je yang tahu betapa aku kasihkan mereka. Tak dapat nak diungkapkan dengan kata2. Allah je yang tahu.
(Gerenti balik rumah bujang ni, aku kena tido luar. Mampuih. heh.) < ---- "Siapa orang yang pakai cap ni? Semak je. Puihh!"
Yes it's true, lepas kahwin pun boleh je manja2 ngan ibu, mak, dengan kawan2. Boleh je jumpa2 macam biasa. Tapi I know and I bet, rasa dia lain. Ntah. Tapi lain kot.
Kot.
Entah. aku pun tak tahu. Takut ke, nervous ke, excited ke, ape ke... bercampur baur perasaan ni.
Yeah... itulah dia ceghabih aku pada kali ini. Hehe. Kalau orang biasa2, mesti cakap, "Relax la. Keep cool. Biasa2 je sudah." etcetcetc.
But for me, this is BIG. As I have gone through LOTS of UPs and DOWNs. With these people. My loved ones.
Sedih, Rindu, bila mengenangkan diri ini semakin dewasa. Semakin melangkah ke alam seterusnya. Alam yang aku tak tahu apa yang bakal aku lalui.
Mungkin aku sempat hadapi. Mungkin fasa aku yang seterusnya ialah fasa aku dia Alam Akhirat.
I don't know. Allah Sebaik2 Perancang dan Maha Mengetahui.
I put all trust in Allah. I trust in the process.
Ya Allah, kuatkanlah dan tenangkanlah hati aku nak hadap semua ini.
p/s: Aku rindu kekasih2ku. Every single seconds, every single moment.
Dalam kehidupan ini, perlu banyak berkorban. Risiko juga perlu diambil. Segala halangan perlu diredah. Kadang-kala kita sememangnya akan berasa letih, hampa, kecewa, dan sebagainya. Tapi kita tak boleh hanya duduk termenung dan memikirkan masalah sahaja.
SOLUSI: KENA BERTINDAK DAN SELESAIKAN MASALAH KITA.
Bukannya lari dan menyorok.
Ada kala, kita kena stand up and fight for your right. Ada kala kita kena berundur dari sesuatu yang bukan milik kita. Kita sendiri tahu kita di tahap dan keadaan sendiri. Tak perlu nak bandingkan diri sendiri dengan orang lain. Sendiri nak berjaya, sendiri nak hidup, sendiri kena bangkitlah.
Tak semua orang akan suka kita. Tak semua orang yang benci kita. Above all, Allah kan ada.
Why worry?
Yang penting, jangan putus asa, sentiasa berusaha dan jangan putus do'a.
Moga Allah permudahkan segala urusan kita.
Go for it!
p/s: Muhasabah untuk diri sendiri dan semua pembaca yang dikasihi.
